


your eyes have their silence

by sheron



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fandom Stocking 2018, Feelings, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Canon, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Romance, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-06 15:18:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheron/pseuds/sheron
Summary: There's been a break-in at his private workshop. "The access was through the authorization code of Captain Rogers," FRIDAY says and Tony can't breathe.





	your eyes have their silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nanasekei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanasekei/gifts).



> This is written for nanasekei for the Fandom Stockings 2018. A big thank you to vorkosigan for all her help. The title is from a poem by e e cummings. I hope you enjoy the story!

 

The whole world is grey. Tony feels like he can't breathe. "FRIDAY, repeat."

"The access to the workshop was through the authorization code of Captain Rogers."

He lets his breath whoosh out of his chest. Draws another. Last night they'd made love in Tony's bed. 

"Boss, your vital signs—"

"Mute," Tony snaps, on instinct. Then a second later he puts his hands to his face, rubs at the skin and then runs them up into his messy hair and grips hard. What is he doing? FRIDAY is innocent. "Wait, unmute. Sorry, FRIDAY," he sighs and lets his hands fall from his hair. They lie limply at his sides. He needs to get it together, act, but instead he's standing in the middle of his workshop, thoughts running in pointless circles.

"Apology accepted," FRIDAY says softly. If an AI could sound pitying — and Tony has designed them so they can, hadn't he — that's what she sounds like when she says: "I am rerunning diagnostics. I will appraise you of any new facts I find."

The fact is, someone broke into his workshop, accessed his tech, and they'd used Steve's private code to do it.

Two days ago, the two of them were at a gala together, to celebrate another year of Maria Stark's Foundation supporting charitable work across America, and Tony gave a speech where he touched upon the next advance in B.A.R.F technology. Afterward, when the schmoozing was winding down, Steve had pulled him aside into an empty hallway. He looked so fetching in his three-piece suit. Tony had been hoping to sneak a kiss, but Steve quickly put a halt to that by asking if the tech could be used for Barnes. That guy was fine, these days, physically. The triggers implanted in his mind during his time as a Winter Soldier had long since been removed by the Wakandan scientists. They'd gone into his brain and messed around in there until those areas were excised, with no danger to the rest of Barnes' brain. The whole thing made Tony ill to think about, but Steve said Barnes was fine with it. Had wanted the surgery, in fact, to make sure he could never be used like that again. Except that Barnes was still missing his memories, the good ones, the ones of their childhood, and Steve thought maybe bringing those back could be done with B.A.R.F. 

He'd argued hotly for it when Tony hadn't been thrilled by the idea. 

"It's going to bring back everything, not just what he wants, in vivid detail." Tony had insisted, shuddering at the thought of reliving something like that. Besides, "It's not tested on another human."

"Come on," Steve huffed, just short of rolling his eyes. "You've been using it on yourself! I know that it's ready. You've been dropping hints about it at practically every conference you've held in the past two years—"

Tony cut him off. "I am working on the next Virtual Reality console. The memory function is a side-game, not the main project." Not anymore. VR was where it was at, now.

He could tell Steve wasn't happy. Steve wanted to help Barnes through any means possible. He was gearing up for another argument, but they were in public, they were interrupted by some well-meaning guests exiting the main hall into their secluded hallway. Steve had shot Tony a quiet, burning look, as if he was considering Tony's arguments and finding them wanting. Tony had turned away to schmooze and pulled up a camera ready smile. They hadn't talked about it since.

And now Tony is looking at an unauthorized access to his workshop. Nothing was taken, but his private datastores have been accessed. His VR technology was targeted specifically, all his security had been down for a solid five minutes, and all FRIDAY can see in the logs is Steve's access code. Tony should be checking what else went wrong. He should be—

Tony can't think.

His memory is full of Steve's firm hands, his kind eyes, the beautiful arch of his throat when Tony lowers his lips to kiss it. 

Tony gasps for air from one moment to the next and slowly counts to ten.

"He wouldn't do that," Tony says out loud, half for himself, half for FRIDAY. Steve has access to _everything_ , he can override Tony's suit, and hell, FRIDAY is running diagnostics on that too, and who knows what she'll find. He needs to sit down. His head feels woozy as if the blood rushed away to keep up with his madly rushing heart. "You need to check again." If it was for Barnes though—

It hurts more than anything had in...in years. The act of giving the code to Steve was a symbol of Tony's trust. Hell, more than that, his _love_. After everything, the last month, finally getting to be with Steve felt amazing. They turned over a new leaf, they were in love, and Tony _spurned_ any more secrets, he chose to trust him with everything in his home, in his heart. He wanted Steve to have superuser access to his private workshop in case things went pear-shaped. When Tony gave the codes to him, Steve stared at him for the longest moment, silent and so damn serious that Tony began to get flustered, and then Steve was coming closer, he was embracing Tony. And then there was a lot of heated kissing.

So the thing that burns Tony now is that Steve knows exactly what it meant to him. If he used the code, to go behind his back—

Tony calls up the nanites of his suit and they cover his hand smoothly. They react instantly, as instinctive as a thought and perfectly responsive. The sensation is like cool water rippling over his skin and with it comes the hollow security of all the untapped power at his fingertips. At least he always has his armor, Tony thinks, and nobody can take that from him again. Except— He'd foolishly given the codes away. Because he thought it was too much power for any one person and what if someone hacked his tech, what then? It's his own fault if Steve couldn't trust him—

He shakes his head to clear it. Steve _wouldn't_. At his back, his t-shirt has gone clammy with sweat. He doesn't want to have to protect himself from Steve. Tony makes the armor melt away like it had never been there and shakes out his fingers feeling like the very thought burns him. What Tony needs to do now is go ask Steve about the break-in, find out what he knows and— And if Steve did— If Steve wanted the tech for his friend, if he truly _needed_ it— If Steve thought there was only one way around Tony, too stubborn by half—

Tony shuts his eyes and in the silence of his head waits for FRIDAY to tell him it was all a big mistake.

"I've gone over all the security data. There's a five minute blackout in my memories." FRIDAY sounds upset. "There are no videos, no recordings—"

"He wouldn't," Tony repeats. And yet. For Barnes, if it was to help him, he knows Steve would do anything. Occam's razor.

Someone's at the door. In a daze, Tony lifts his head to see Steve on the other end of the glass leading into the workshop, in his casual blue jeans and a khaki t-shirt. Steve's got the start of a smile on his lips, and a large plate with two turkey sandwiches in one hand. His other hand is lifting to access the biometric reader, to get inside the room with Tony.

"Blackout," Tony snaps out. It's a command that does not require a confirmation; FRIDAY obeys immediately. The previously transparent glass becomes dark within a second, and Steve's shocked face vanishes from view.

And Steve always did hate to ask for his help.

Tony just needs to think. Just for a moment. 

He doesn't know how long he spends staring at a single spot in the far corner, but eventually Tony comes back to himself and shakes his head. "Okay," he whispers, taking deep breaths, and again, "okay."

He gets up off the chair, runs a hand through his hair. _Time to look good, Stark?_

"End Blackout," he orders sharply.

When the dark screens turn transparent again, Steve is still there. He's set the plate with the sandwiches on a nearby stand and is pacing back and forth. Steve's brows are drawn sharply down, and he swirls to face him when the lab unlocks again, eyes running over Tony's shape quickly, checking him over.

"Is everything okay?!" That's the first thing he says, rushing in Tony's direction, hands rising as if to take Tony's hands in his. 

Tony backs up a step and Steve stops in his tracks. His hands freeze half way through the motion, still reaching out into the empty air. 

"FRIDAY wouldn't answer," Steve says after a moment, quiet and worried. If he is playing at innocent surprise, he deserves an academy award, because every needed tell is there, the furrowed brow, the evaluating look of Steve trying to solve a problem before him. Tony wants to believe him, and he knows to guard against those feelings. He's been used before.

For an instant, caught by the sharp pain in his chest, Tony can't speak.

"What is it? What's wrong? Tony?" Steve asks, hands clenching into fists when he lowers them to his side. His posture is careful, contained. He looks ready to jump into action at any moment.

There's a distant part of Tony's brain that is evaluating how fast he could call the armor again; if he'd be fast enough before a super soldier could wrap his hands around his neck. Catastrophic thinking. It's an almost idle thought and Tony wants to throw up. He doesn't consciously worry about it. He doesn't think Steve capable of it, but his brain, it always plans for the worst case scenario. If Steve broke into his workshop behind Tony's back, then— _No._ He just has to ask. He has to know for sure.

"Did you access the workshop last night?" It's like swallowing broken glass.

"What?" Steve's brows climb his forehead. He sounds baffled. "Of course not. What are you—" His blue eyes grow flinty, and his back straightens a tiny but noticeable amount. "Has there been a security breach?"

"Someone accessed the source-code for B.A.R.F among other things," Tony says. At this point there's no reason to prevaricate. They'd have it out. And if it's not Steve then...the culprit is out there, with enough power in his hands to seriously mess with people. Tony needs to stay sharp, he has to act quick to get to the bottom of this. He has to set personal feelings aside. "There's a log in the system with your access code and..." his voice quivers, and he hates himself for the way Steve immediately _knows_ , he can see the realization dawn on Steve's face. Never let it be said Steve Rogers is a stupid man. He's already put the two and two together. Tony manages to push the words past his lips: "I need you to tell me where you were last night."

"Tony," Steve says. He shuts his eyes for a moment, before opening them again. His expression is drawn in pain. Tears spring to his eyes, and for a second Tony thinks: _what do I do if it's true?_ The world is rushing by really fast and at the same time the moment is standing still. He feels faint. "I went back to my room," Steve says, voice gruff. _Thank God. Thank God._ "I phoned Nat, you can check with her, I don't know what else—" he swallows thickly. Eventually, he manages, in a whisper, "I wouldn't do that to you."

"Not even for him?" Tony asks, trying to keep his voice firm and feeling boneless with relief. He already believes Steve. But he still asks, because he has to ask. Because a part of him needs Steve to tell him, to keep on telling him.

"Not for anything."

Tony takes a step towards Steve. There is a weakness to his knees, but he manages to lock them and make it over to where Steve is standing. "Okay," he breathes, shaky, looking up into Steve's eyes and letting himself drown in their pained, sincere depths.

Steve's jaw is clenched. Tony lifts his fingers slowly, telegraphing every move and places just the fingertips against Steve's cheek. Well-shaved, smooth-skin jumps under his fingers as Steve's jaw clenches tighter, and Steve stares at him unmoving. Then he turns his chin just a fraction of an inch into Tony's touch. His golden lashes flutter the tiniest amount, as he visibly struggles to keep looking at Tony, to make sure Tony can read the truth in his eyes. 

Tony moves his hand to gently palm his cheek. "FRIDAY is gonna check everything again," he whispers. _Fuck_ , he is a fuck-up. To put that expression on Steve's face? 

"On it, Boss," FRIDAY says quietly, and leaves them to stand like that for a while, in silence.

Steve swallows, the Adam's apple on his neck jumping harshly. "I wouldn't do that," he says. Steve looks like Tony had stabbed him through the heart and every moment that passes he's bleeding out. "Not before, and definitely not now. We're...you're my..." he starts and cuts himself off with a hitch in his breath. _Lover, partner, friend. All of those._ Steve's hands start to rise again, but he won't set them on Tony's body, so they just hover half-way up, uncertain of their welcome, unsure they are loved. His uncertainty hits Tony like a full body ache.

 _We love each other_ , Tony thinks. _I'm hurting him._

"I know," Tony says instead. Catches one of Steve's hands with a thumb against his open palm, rubs a soothing circle there. At this, at the lack of judgment in his voice, Steve's whole body unwinds. He rushes forward and puts his arms around Tony, pulling him in close. His fingers twist into the clothes of Tony's back. His mouth is buried in the crook between Tony's neck and his shoulder.

" _Tony_ ," he gasps out, like a question, like an apology for everything that drove them to this moment. To where Tony has to ask him for an alibi when someone breaks into his lab. Now, more clearheaded, Tony thinks: they'd had their earlier argument in a public place. Sure, they'd been alone in that hallway, but the space was unvetted. Anyone could have eavesdropped. If Tony was being rational about this, there were a hundred other explanations for the single line in his security logs that pointed to Steve. Using Steve against him this way is smart, because Steve is always his soft spot. He was, even before they'd met.

Tony's hands slip tenderly into Steve's hair. It's longer, he can thread his fingers through the silky dark-blonde strands. "It was cruel to ask," he whispers in apology. Steve shivers in his arms, and Tony holds him tighter. "I lose my brain when it comes to you." 

"You have a right to doubts," Steve breathes into his skin. Tony has to find a way to make up for the heartache he hears in his torn up voice. Steve's mouth is warm against his skin. "I just want...I hope someday you'll know for sure." Tony hopes for that future too, the one where they are safe, where love is the default, and they have healed. He has healed. Steve is in that future with him.

"I love you," Tony whispers into his ear. It's the way he tells Steve: _you make me crazy. I can't think when it comes to you. I can only feel._

And Steve must hear all those things in his breathless voice. "Yeah," Steve mumbles. "I— I know. Me too." 

A vice squeezes Tony's chest over his stumbling words. Always so careful and quiet. Steve is still so uncomfortable with verbal expression of love that he'll only say the words in bed, when Tony's hands are taking him apart. Any other time he is afraid to show his soft insides; it's heart wrenching to watch him lock everything down. And now he's clutching Tony tightly to himself, like his whole world depends on Tony believing him, trusting him. Loving him.

Tony nuzzles his cheek. Pulls back enough to catch Steve's blue eyes. "We'll figure it out together," he promises, and kisses Steve the way he needs to be kissed.

 

**Fin.**

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr post](https://sheronwrites.tumblr.com/post/182151716639/your-eyes-have-their-silence-word-count-2781).


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